Sunday, 15 May 2011

The List (ongoing)

People I have met (excluding immediate family):
I shall try to give each their own post, however, some people I have met will have a very small individual component and may be grouped into the cliques in which they were presented to me. Furthermore, I intend to post at least biweekly and will use this list as a reminder to myself and an indication of the future direction of the blog. The order of posts will be as close to chronological as possible, however, I may follow certain aspects of my life for reasons of flow and then jump back in time and repeat.

Mekala - Toddler friend

Manoli - My first acquaintance

Matthew Zahner - Remembered for his webbed toes

Matthew Bocking - The first bully whose name I knew
interacted with over 1997-1999

Bridget Quilty - The girl that took pity on me

Louiza Scandrett - Undefinable really, we spoke
1999 - 2010

Ms Costello - Teacher
circa 1998

Mr Amadee - first male teacher

Matthew Turnour - first and long term friend
2000 - present

Rita Turnour - Nurse and mother of Matthew
2000 - present
Ted Turnour - Independent Business Owner and father of Matthew
2000 - present
Emma Turnour - Sister of Matthew
2000 - present
Nina - Cousin of Matthew
2001 - Present

Aaron Nicoll - A kind of friend

Declan - A friend

Ben - Friend

Mr Doran - Teacher

David Stevens - Friend
Margie - Librarian and mother of David
            - Electrician and father of David
Laura - Sister of David

Alex Fry

Jack Dixon - Fellow Student, suffers Downes Syndrome

Andy B - Friend

Matthew Phillips

Ben Curly

Dan Ferandah

Ambrose DeLuca


Ange Priddy
Leanne Zhang
Chris Wood

Rachel McKinnon


Geraldine and Nick
Rohan and Kirsty
Dean and Dezzie

Rosemary and Pep


To Deepen

Over my blog thus far I have attempted to illustrate how I was shaped as a person from a very young age, and how the situations I found myself in, while wholly individual to myself, are in fact mirrored across the lives of nearly every single person in the Western world (I stipulate as different cultures do not ask "How are you", but instead have a simple or formal greeting which in no way encourages the falsification of the perception of our lives). I have only begun to think in such a way in recent times. After leaving my family and trying to experience life in ways that would have previously been considered by myself as uncomfortable. The way I have lived my life over the past eighteen months has led me to a place where I have mingled with people from backgrounds previously unimaginable. However, contrary to being alienated by these striking differences, I instead allowed myself to be drawn to others and as a result connect with people for the human that they were regardless of background. In saying that I do not disregard the subconscious, on a primal level as the animal that we are (if the theory of evolution stands) we have a distinct preference to be with those that are similar to ourselves in appearance, however, acknowledgement of this fact allows one to realise when such an intrinsic philosophy is affecting rational thought, and thus accommodate it.

In essence, what I have said over these last three posts is that I have, through the course of my life, procured a means for conversation that should, technically, facilitate engagement between any two persons to the result of coming away from that conversation with both parties feeling positive.
The rest of this blog will be about those conversations, about how I wish to Live my Life.

To Analyse

With this blog I shall attempt to present a story, and then analyse it.
I think that over time this page shall accrue at least one story that can be identified with by anyone that comes to it. However, all of it will be following my life in a more or less chronological order from an attempted (yet inevitably failed) universal perspective. As such, I will be displaying knowledge gleaned from others.

My last post illustrated to you (in words) the abuse of a child. It just so happened that that child was me. The way I dealt with this abuse was not taught to me, and as such, it can be determined that such techniques are ingrained into our minds. All of that can be reduced to; "forget bad experiences".
Such an ideology is not comprehensive, as bad experiences are often recalled so as to avoid them repeating themselves. However, when the negative event is applied to a mind that has no way of dealing with it, the mind simply runs away. This concept pervades our entire existence.

Everyday interaction is reduced to a simple relay of predetermined messages which in no way accurately summarise the true situation we find ourselves in. I.e. The social convention of asking; "How are you?" This question already has an answer, and thus the entire conversation has a flow which doesn't actually represent the individuals engaging in it. An entire lifetime of replying "Good" makes people feel that the lives they are enduring are normal, that they are, in fact leading a good life.

To Begin

Before I start describing things to you about what I am going through, I shall take the liberty to describe to you what I have gone through.
I was born into a "normal" household where my father was away a lot due to work and my mother was at home raising me and my younger brother.
However, a few years into life, my mother decided to buy a pharmacy, this essentially induced a role reversal in the household. Dad continued to work full-time but stopped going on business trips and Mum proceeded to be away 40 - 70 hours a week. Naturally, most of this time was while I was at school, but still, Mum was never at home when I got back from my place of formal education and Dad began to cook meals more so than Mum.
School for me was a strange one (but then, for who is it not?), on my first day in grade one, I was physically abused by senior students. Forced up to the area of the yard out-of-sight from teachers and made to do push-ups and the like. Upon returning to class I would be persecuted for being late. This may strike one as incomprehensible, so please, allow me to explain to you the intense psychological conditioning imparted unto me by my first interactions with a "senior" member of society that had not yet reached adulthood.

The older students would ask me;
"Why are you bleeding?", I would reply,
"You hit me", at which point I would receive another strike. This process repeated itself until when next I was asked,
"Why are you bleeding?", I would reply,
"I fell down the stairs." or "I was playing football" or some other fantasy story which did, in my head,
become a truth. I have been informed that such behaviour is possible as prior to the age of eight, children have the ability to completely remove themselves from the world and place themselves in a situation that is desirable to them but may not actually be real. As such, it took me much consideration and aid from Freudian psychotherapy techniques to reveal that I did not actually have a childhood filled with lunch-times playing sport but instead was running away from the truth.

To Summarise

This blog will be a means for people around the world to see my world.
I will communicate these matters through a rundown of my life. People I meet, activities I do, places I go.
At all times I will attempt to be as removed from my opinions and perspectives and publish posts solely in a manner that conveys an empathetic approach that allows readers of this blog to understand what has occurred in my life.
I understand that my world is, in the grand scheme of things, ridiculously tiny, however, that doesn't mean that my experiences are any less real. I hope that I can give you a deeper understanding of things you may not have come across otherwise.